Tea Etiquette 101: How to Enjoy Afternoon Tea Like a Victorian Lady

At The Tea Trolley, afternoon tea isn't just a meal — it's an experience steeped in history, elegance, and a touch of old-world charm. From the moment you step into our historic Delta, Pennsylvania tearoom, you're stepping into a tradition that began in 19th-century England — where the ritual of tea was as much about grace as it was about refreshment.

If you've ever wondered how to properly hold your cup, when to stir your tea, or whether it's polite to eat the sandwich or the scone first — this guide is for you. Here's how to enjoy afternoon tea like a true Victorian lady (or gentleman).

1. A Brief History of Tea Etiquette

Afternoon tea began as a genteel pause between lunch and dinner, introduced by Anna, the Duchess of Bedford, who famously found herself peckish around four o'clock. She began inviting friends for tea and light refreshments — and soon, the ritual spread through drawing rooms across England.

It wasn't just about tea — it was about connection, conversation, and refinement. Each gesture and utensil had meaning, and the etiquette of tea became a subtle art form still celebrated today.

2. Setting the Scene

A proper afternoon tea should feel graceful and unhurried.

At The Tea Trolley, your experience begins when your server brings your personal pot of tea of choice, brewed to perfection in fine china.

If you've chosen to enhance your service, your tea will be accompanied first by a starter course of soup or salad — a lovely way to warm up your palate before the main event.

Then comes the hallmark of the afternoon: the tiered tray, elegantly arranged with savories, scones, and sweets. Your server will introduce each tier, explaining the items and suggesting an order of enjoyment — just as attendants once did in Victorian parlors.

3. How to Hold and Sip Your Tea

Victorian ladies were never casual about their cups!

• Hold your teacup by the handle, not by cupping the bowl.

• Never hook your finger through the handle — gently pinch it between your thumb and index finger.

• The saucer stays on the table unless you're standing; in that case, hold the saucer just below chin height.

• Take small sips — tea is meant to be savored, not gulped.

• And no — the pinky does not need to stick out (that was an Edwardian exaggeration!).

4. Stirring and Sweetening Gracefully

• Always stir gently — back and forth, not in circles — to avoid clinking against the cup.

• When done, place the spoon behind the cup on the saucer, never left in the tea.

• Add milk after the tea is poured, unless you're following the old "milk-in-first" tradition (which began as a way to protect fine china from cracking).

5. What to Eat (and in What Order)

Traditionally, afternoon tea is enjoyed from the bottom tier to the top — a gentle progression from savory to sweet:

Bottom Tier – Savories

Begin with dainty sandwiches, quiches, or warm hors d'oeuvres. These set the tone with light, savory flavors.

Middle Tier – Scones

Next come the freshly baked scones, served with clotted cream and jam. Proper etiquette is to split them gently with your hands — never cut with a knife. Spread cream first, then jam (the "Devon" way), though some prefer jam first ("Cornish" style).

Top Tier – Sweets

Finally, finish with the most delicate pastries and desserts — petits fours, tarts, and other confections meant to be savored slowly.

This is the classic English presentation, followed by prestigious tearooms such as The Ritz London and Fortnum & Mason, and it reflects the natural flow of flavors: savory → buttery → sweet.

However, at The Tea Trolley, you may notice something a little different: we currently place our scones on the top tier — a modern adaptation chosen for visual appeal and warmth. This arrangement keeps the scones elevated and airy, ensuring they stay crisp and inviting while also giving the presentation a pleasing sense of balance.

Many American and contemporary tearooms follow this style, and we find it highlights the beauty of our scones (and the cream and jam that accompany them). That said, our team is in ongoing, friendly debate about whether to return to the traditional English order — a testament to how much we value both authenticity and artistry in our presentation.

No matter how the tiers are arranged, the spirit remains the same: Afternoon tea is about pacing, pleasure, and presentation.

Whether you start with the sandwiches or sneak a bite of scone first, take your time and savor each tier fully — that's the true art of tea.

6. Conversation and Conduct

Tea time was — and still is — as much about company as cuisine.

Some timeless etiquette rules:

• Keep voices soft and conversation light.

• Avoid placing your phone on the table (Victorians would've fainted at the thought!).

• Always say "please" and "thank you" when being served.

• When you finish, rest your napkin neatly on the left side of your plate.

7. Modern Grace at The Tea Trolley

While we don't expect anyone to arrive in lace gloves and corsets (though we certainly wouldn't object!), we do cherish the quiet civility of a proper tea service.

At The Tea Trolley, our guests embrace this timeless ritual in a space that feels like stepping into the pages of a Jane Austen novel — complete with delicate china, seasonal menus, and the hum of friendly conversation.

Whether you're here for a Candlelit Christmas Tea, a Mother's Day celebration, or just a cozy afternoon with friends, you're taking part in a tradition that has connected people for over two centuries.

Experience Afternoon Tea for Yourself

Ready to practice your newfound etiquette?

Reserve your spot at one of our upcoming services or specialty themed teas — and experience a little Victorian grace right here in Delta, Pennsylvania.